Interview with Ally Keenan - 2401

SPEAKER A Revelation 12:11. And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives to the death. Welcome to by the word of their testimony. And here is your host, Kaysie Verkirka. Hello and welcome to the programme. I'm so glad you've joined us today for another testimony of how God has worked in amazing ways in someone's life. With me is a special guest, Ally Keenan, and she's from Melbourne and she's here to share with us her story. Welcome to the programme, Ally. SPEAKER B Hello. Thank you. SPEAKER A You're welcome. So glad to have you with us. And I'm so. I feel thrilled that I was able to meet you just the other week and I heard you share your story and that day you were also baptised, which was such a tremendously special, special day for you guys. SPEAKER B Yeah, it was extra special to do it with my husband, that's for sure. SPEAKER A Absolutely. And so I'm interested to know just a little bit more about you and tell me a little bit about where you're from originally. SPEAKER B Yeah. So I now live in Strathbogie, but I used to live in Pakenham with my parents and my younger brother. I was born into Danny Nong Church, which is now known as Casey Church. And. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Nothing too exciting. SPEAKER A Yep. So from. That's like the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, isn't it, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's definitely your home area. And were you born up? You were born into, obviously, a christian home, even an adventist home? SPEAKER B Yep. Yeah, my parents met at church, so ever since I was born, I've been going to church. Yeah. SPEAKER A All right, so this is a very, I guess, familiar space that you've been in all your life, growing up. And what was your childhood like in general and any key memories or highlights from that period of your life? SPEAKER B As in where, at church? SPEAKER A At church or just your home, family life? What was it like? Did you have siblings? SPEAKER B Yeah, I had a younger brother. We were very, very close. But, yeah, at church I used to love going just to see my close friends and eat the good food at the luncheons and all that kind of stuff, just going because mum and dad were going. But, yeah, it was never really a thing that meant a lot to me. I think it was just sort of, let's just go and. Yeah, see people eat good food and it was just a routine. SPEAKER A Yeah. So it really felt like it was just a part of life for you. Like, it's just part of the norm. SPEAKER B Yeah. I was born into the church, and it just. Yeah, it was just a routine that never ended. SPEAKER A Yeah. Okay. SPEAKER B Which is a good thing. It never ended. SPEAKER A Yes. But it sounds like. And this is where I hear the story brewing, because there's obviously, there's a track here where you're gonna go much deeper of how this did take on more meaning for you, which is something that we are really keen to hear. So did you go to, like, a christian school, for instance? Or were you public school? SPEAKER B No, no, I went to public school. The school was good in ways, but at the same time, it wasn't a very good influence of a school. There was lots of stories that you would hear of, you know, drugs and lots of parties that happened and all the kind of bad stuff that you don't want to be around when you're in school, but at the same time, like, kind of intriguing, you know? But I did not go to a christian school. No. SPEAKER A So do you do. What kind of influence do you think that had in your own journey, if any? SPEAKER B It did have a little bit. I guess it gave me the people that I would hang out with. They were really, really good people, and I'm still friends with them today. But because they weren't born into christian homes, they would do different things, like, you know, go out and partying and stuff like that. And I guess I didn't really get into all that until I went through all the bad stuff. And then I thought, oh, you know, this could be a good distraction from the stuff happening at home, or this could be a way to handle it and all that kind of stuff. So I kind of went along with that. SPEAKER A Okay. Yeah. So it kind of gave you an awareness that meant that you could quickly turn to those things when things weren't going so well in the original environment you came from. SPEAKER B Yeah. And because my friends were into all that kind of stuff, like, I thought, oh, I could just tag along with them. It's easy to, you know, I have someone, you know. SPEAKER A Yes. Yeah. SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A Interesting how that influence plays out, isn't it? SPEAKER B They're very, very good people. That's the thing. I'm still really good friends with them. SPEAKER A Yeah. SPEAKER B Yeah. We've just gone sort of separate ways in what we do. SPEAKER A Yeah. Yeah. And probably good to keep that connection going. Yeah. You never know. The influence could go two ways. SPEAKER B Exactly. SPEAKER A Right. Yeah. In different ways like that. Okay, so this was your experience through childhood. And what about when you were getting a little bit older, maybe into your teenage years? Any changes there? Any changes in your home life? Family. And what was it like for you in that period? SPEAKER B Yeah. So things sort of started to change towards the end of high school. I kind of want to keep these people anonymous just for reasons, but I wanted to go into a bit more detail on what I touched on in my testimony at Kaysie. Yeah. So I was coming to the end of high school and you start getting involved with boys, and I was in a very long term relationship of about five years or so, still going to church, but sitting and not understanding that I am sinning, because I never really properly learnt. Wait, sorry. I have missed out on a huge part. When I was, like, around ten or so, I actually was baptised. Yeah. But I kind of felt pressured into doing it and I actually. Yeah, I was hesitating a lot to say yes or to say no, and I ended up saying yes, which was the wrong thing to do, because I had no close relationship with God or didn't know who he was. I wasn't interested in going to church to get to know him. It was just to see my friends and all that kind of stuff. So the day meant nothing to me. It just felt like another day. Casey puts on good food, so I was pretty excited to eat the food afterwards, and I kind of just wanted to get it over and done with. But, yeah, I don't blame anyone other than myself for that. Yeah, it's just what it is. SPEAKER A So it sounds like it was. SPEAKER B I can't believe I missed that. SPEAKER A That's okay. No, it's fine. So, it sounds like it was just. It was another part of that norm that you felt you were growing up with, and this was just the thing to do, and so you were just going along doing that, but it just didn't go deeper for you at that time. And so life just continued after that, as norm. SPEAKER B Yeah. Yeah. But, like, we were doing Bible studies at my house with someone from our church and, like, dreaded them every single week. Like, I just wanted them to be over and, like, just found them so boring. And then at the end of them, I was asked, like, do you want to be baptised? And I feel like that's something that you should be going to them for, not them coming to you for. And I said, oh, I'm not sure. And they said, oh, it's a good thing to do. And I was like, okay. Okay. And then I ended up doing it and I. And, yeah, I disobeyed God a lot after that. SPEAKER A Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that. That was quite a, I guess, an interesting element in your. The backstory leading up to. SPEAKER B Yeah. I can't believe I missed that. SPEAKER A That's fine. So you were explaining about how you had gotten into this long term relationship and. SPEAKER B Yeah, yeah. So keep it going, I think. Yeah, yeah. So, towards the end of high school, a family member who was living in my household started to experiment with drugs. It started off with, like, you know, alcohol and getting drunk with friends, and it turned into smoking weed and all that kind of stuff. And, yeah, we didn't really think much of it. You know, we would try and warn him, like, you know, you shouldn't really be doing these things, and they're not good for you. He had left the church at this point, and. Yeah, then there was one. He. Then there was one day I actually heard from somebody that he had started dabbling into meth and really, really hard stuff, and, oh, no, the tears are coming. It got to the point where we had holes in the walls of our house every day I'd come home from work, there'd be verbal abuse being thrown around everywhere. There'd be things being thrown everywhere. Not at us. We were never hurt physically, but, yeah, the house was quite damaged, and that's still really hard to see and to witness that happening. There were lots of times when I was trying to diffuse a conversation or an argument, but that never happened. And there was a lot of times where I had to leave home just because I was too scared of being there, and I just never knew where to go because we couldn't. None of our family knew at this point in time and all that kind of jazz, and it was really, really, really hard. I remember they were trying to go cold turkey to get help. Well, they were trying to help themselves. They tried to go cold turkey, and it was just, like, so hard to see, like, them just in pain like that and really, really struggling. SPEAKER A Yeah. So when you say cold turkey, they're trying to get off these substances. That's right. And the hold that it's. Yeah, yeah. SPEAKER B On their own. Sorry if I'm not making much sense. No, no. A little bit hard to go back into all those memories, but I want to. SPEAKER A Of course. And I appreciate that that time would have been tremendously scary and unsettling for you at such a critical age. Really, too. You know, when you're towards the end of high school, early twenties, you're, like, at the prime of life. You're thinking about your future, where you're heading. And to have all of this, I guess this crisis going on would have been a huge stress and just a huge trauma for you at that time. SPEAKER B Yeah. And there was, like, I was still, I think, when it was getting really bad because it went on for a few years. I had finished school, but, like, no one that I was friends with was going through the same thing. So I couldn't lean on anyone for any, like, sort of. Yeah, I couldn't lean on anyone that was going through the same thing that understood what I was going through. I became very close with my dad during this time, so he understood. But I guess, like, you know, it would have been nice to have a friend that was also going through that same thing, like, outside of my family. But I was still going to church during all of this. None of it meant anything to me because I was so angry and frustrated and just in so much pain of it all. And the things going through my mind was like, why is this happening to us? Like, I knew God was real, but, like, I wasn't close with him, so I was, you know, playing the bland game a little bit there. And, you know, church is supposed to be a happy place, but I wasn't feeling happy there. And things that I were listening to were going through one ear and out the other. I was just focusing on what was happening back at home outside of church. Yeah. SPEAKER A It's so interesting what you just said there, how that, like, even though you didn't feel like you had a close relationship with Goddesse, seems like throughout your young childhood, years and teens and everything, yet when it came to this crisis, it seems like there was a resentment towards God for allowing us to happen, which kind of suggests that there's some, like, there's a connection there, even though it's very distant. SPEAKER B Yeah, but I think it was just sort of like, you know, I reflect on it, I'm thinking, like, who were you to even just, like, have no desire of a relationship with God, but just blaming him for all this stuff, like, what sort of person does that? But at the same time, it happens all the time, you know? Like, yes, it just is what it is. SPEAKER A It's true. It is true. It's like we want to be able to put the blame somewhere outside of ourselves. SPEAKER B Exactly. SPEAKER A And so whatever we can turn it to, we often can do that. And so was there any questions in your mind throughout this time of maybe there's a different perspective here about God? Or did you have any inclination in your heart to get to know God deeper through this crisis? SPEAKER B No, because I was going to church just to see people, and just because my parents were, I wasn't concentrating on anything that I was learning and, you know, you learn that God is the reason for all things, but now I know that he's not the reason of all of the bad things that's happened in the world. And I didn't know that back then, so I'm like, oh, well, it's his fault. Like, you know, I'm going to be angry towards him. And, yeah, I didn't even start, you know, leaning on him for comfort and to turn to him for help. I just turned to worldly things, and it's just the worst possible thing you can do in a hard situation. SPEAKER A Mmm hmm. And so, was there anyone in the church environment who was aware of what was going on at this time? Like, were there any friends or church members who knew about it? Or was this. I guess, I imagine because of the nature of the challenge you were dealing with, maybe it was kept more private within your family. SPEAKER B Yeah, I think it was kept more private. Yeah. But I think there might have been, like, maybe. I'm gonna say, like, less than four people. I don't 100% know, but I think, like, I had, like, my parents were leaning on, you know, their close friends in the church and. Yeah, but I think it was kept more private. SPEAKER A Yeah. Okay. Because I was. I guess I was wondering about how, like, how aware other church members were with what you're going through. And, like, if they. Maybe if they had some awareness or were able to connect a bit more, maybe that would have. I guess you would have felt more supported, but maybe your parents got that, but you didn't. I guess that's what I'm kind of curious about. SPEAKER B Yeah. I don't know. It's funny because, like, these days, when I hear of things that, you know, happen in the church, I'm like, oh, I never expected that to happen. And, like, after we shared our testimonies the other day, there was a little boy that said to his dad, like, I thought church was a happy place. Like, just had no idea that this sort of stuff happened in church. And I guess that's the same for most of the members. They just don't know what's happening in families. And it's funny because at the same time that we were going through that, my granny actually got diagnosed with cancer. And, like, we had lots of people praying for her in the church. So there was, like, a lot of attention on that, and many people knew about that. But then I guess maybe it's because these circumstances were different. I don't know. But we didn't really have a lot of people to tell. Well, I guess we had lots of people to tell, but I don't think we really wanted to because it was so sad. Yeah. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah. SPEAKER B And hard. SPEAKER A Yeah. And I can appreciate this because without going into details in my own journey, like, I've had experiences where there's stuff going on and it's very hard to talk about because maybe other people won't understand and I. Are you going to encounter judgement or criticism about these challenges or there might be a social stigma out there about this kind of issue or all of these concerns can hold you back from sharing some things. And I guess it goes for all of us to just be mindful that sometimes people can be doing it really tough inside and you just don't know it. We really need to look out for each other. SPEAKER B Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I agree. SPEAKER A Yeah. Okay, so this is. This has got. This has got a couple of layers then, because you've got the family situation where there's these drug challenges and that kind of thing, but then you've got your grandma as well in the mix here with this issue. SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A How is your coping at this point? SPEAKER B I was barely coping. Yeah. So the diagnosis happened to come about at the peak of all of this stuff at home and, yeah, there wasn't much time between her diagnosis and of her passing, actually. So it escalated quite fast. Yeah. I don't remember where the cancer was, but the more scans she had, the more it showed that he had a. It had spread more and more. SPEAKER A Oh, no. SPEAKER B Yeah. So I was visiting her in the hospital every day. They kept telling me different news, like, yeah, tomorrow we'll take off the. For later or whatever it's called, and then I go back tomorrow and they're like, oh, it's not coming off for another week. And, yeah, it was just something else that was really hard to deal with amongst all of it. SPEAKER A And I was pretty angry. Yeah, yeah. And what was. What was your relationship with your grandma like? Was it close or. SPEAKER B How would you describe it? Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's always going to be like one grandparent that you gravitate towards and that was her. Yeah. SPEAKER A So you had that special connection there with her. SPEAKER B Yeah, yeah, yeah. SPEAKER A That would have been very, very tough. SPEAKER B Yeah. Especially when no one really expected it either. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah, yeah. And on top of everything else, it's kind of like if you had leant on her for support in the. Even in the small amount, suddenly that support was taken out from underneath you as well. SPEAKER B Yeah. And it's just. It's really sad because she passed, not knowing that everything actually got better at home. SPEAKER A Ah, yes. Yeah, yeah. So that. Yeah, yeah. You wish that there was some way to communicate to her that it's okay now that things have changed. SPEAKER B She'll know one day. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah. Wow. So this was a critical period. How did you cope? Or I was gonna say, how did you cope? Or did you cope? That's probably the word. You probably found it very difficult, the grief of losing your grandma in the race. SPEAKER B Well, that kind of happened. If I could touch on that a bit later. But there was ways that I was coping with all the stuff at home and her diagnosis before that. So, like I said, I was hanging out. I used to hang out with my friends a lot, and I was never a drinker because I knew that drinking was bad in the church and stuff like that. SPEAKER A But. SPEAKER B Yeah, I guess I tried it one day and I had fun and I was like, oh, wow, this is a good way to get my mind off all the stuff at home. And then drinking turned into smoking weed and then taking pills and going out partying and going to festivals. And I remember I was at work and this. This girl told me that she's, you know, she's relying on all these crystals and tarot cards and stuff to make herself feel happy and, you know, all that kind of stuff and all the good stuff that. That brings. Oh, sweet. Let's give that a go. Maybe that'll help. And there was self harm as well. And amongst. I know it might not make sense, but maybe some people can relate to it, but amongst all of this, I'm still going to church and. But nothing is sinking in, and I still will. Would not turn to him, and I wouldn't turn to him on purpose. It just never occurred to me to do that. SPEAKER A Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it, how you couldn't be there, but just not there at the same time. SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A And it seems like, yeah, through all of this, you're turning to everything else except what is right in front of you, which you found later, literally right in front of me. SPEAKER B And, like, you know, I'm holding my bible open in church and I'm, you know, I flick through it here and there and I'm just, like, reading stuff and it's not even registering in my mind. Like, this is what will help you. But, yeah, like, I'd come to church the night after going out and. And, you know, coming home at, like, 05:00 a.m. and I'd go to church the next day, and it's just. It was horrible. SPEAKER A Horrible. SPEAKER B Lifestyle. SPEAKER A But in all of this, the thing you were seeking was really something to help with the pain, something to help you feel better and happy in life. Like, this is what you were looking for all this time, wasn't it? SPEAKER B Yeah, I. Yeah, and I went to, like, group therapy sessions with people that were also going through the not exact same thing, but a similar thing. And I was doing individual therapy, and none of it. There was just nothing that helped. Not a single thing. I was still in the same exact headspace. And, yeah, it might provide a little bit of relief for maybe, like, a day or two, but then you just end up spiralling back into it. I actually heard a woman describe it on the podcast as spiritual narcotics. I think that's what it was, which is quite interesting. The whole sort of, like, crystals and tarot and stuff like that. Yeah. SPEAKER A Okay. As in, this is what you had turned to. It's called spiritual narcotics, or. SPEAKER B No, it's like, the things that sort of you do to fix how you're feeling in terms of, like, the spiritual world. So more so, like, the crystals and the. And all that kind of jazz. But, you know, because the narcotics, you know, you do it, and you only have a hit for just. It's not forever. SPEAKER A Yep. And so then you have to keep going back to try and get a bigger hit, and you get into this spiral. Yeah. And based on your experience in that space, like, how prevalent was it that people were? People are turning to this kind of thing? SPEAKER B There was. It was. It's definitely more common now, but back in the day, I think it was just like. Seemed like it was just starting from around, you know, with the people that I was hanging out with anyways. SPEAKER A Yeah. SPEAKER B It seems a bit more popular amongst my friends and the people that I meet now. SPEAKER A Yeah. Interesting, isn't it? And how it all fits in the same thing. It's seeming to help you for a time, but then doesn't really give you a long term solution. SPEAKER B Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. SPEAKER A So you've come through all of this, you're turning to all just seems like whatever you can clutch, except for what's in front of you to try and help your pain and your struggle and just deal with the stress and all of the mixed emotions which you had stemming out of that home experience. Where did this take you? Like, where was your head space in all of this? Did you see in any of this some sort of way out? SPEAKER B Well, it got better for a little bit at the end of. Yeah. So it started getting better at home, which was a miracle, and it still is better, which is fantastic. SPEAKER A What a blessing. SPEAKER B And it's. Yeah, so that's all good. And so I was like, oh, life's getting good. Now I don't have to deal with this big stressor at home. And then it was like, bam. Granny passed away. And then my relationship ended, and then Covid happened, and I was out of work, and it just all came crashing down on me. Yeah. So I was back in my depression, anxiety, PTSD. I got diagnosed with PTSD, and I was very lonely. SPEAKER A Wow. So it's kind of like a roller coaster. You went down, and then you went up and you're down again. You've gone right into the bottom again. SPEAKER B It's almost as if I was like, oh, yeah, these things that I'm doing could actually work, but next minute is like, they actually don't. SPEAKER A And, like, in the midst of all of this, especially with the pandemic coming on, that that was a big hit for people without having stress on them. Like, what you had just been through, like, just the whole experience of the lockdowns and everything, that was a big deal for people to cope with, let alone the layers that you already were ploughing through. So, yeah. How did you go through this? Like, what kept you going? SPEAKER B The annoying part was, is that I was in and out of work. So, you know, the lockdown would end, and then I'd go back for however long it was, like, two or three weeks, and then you'd be back in another lockdown again. Everyone in my house was at work. The person that was on drugs had to go into detention for five months. So our plan was to go and see them for every week. So I was looking forward to that. But, yeah, then Covid happened, so we couldn't do that, and we couldn't see them for five months. Not knowing really what was happening over there. SPEAKER A That's tough. SPEAKER B It was just. Yeah, I was so lonely because there was no one at home, and I had still yet to find. Christ. I was using lifeline quite a bit because, you know, there were those moments like, why am I even dealing with this? You know, why am I still here? I was forcing myself to have super long naps during the day so I could just pass them faster until someone came home. At this point in time, I wasn't drinking or doing any of that stuff anymore because of the lockdown, and I didn't really just want to sit at home and do that on my own. But, yeah, I was diagnosed with PTSD, so I was struggling with really loud noises and I'd get flashbacks and all that kind of stuff. SPEAKER A You had tried, you'd tried some drugs, you'd had alcohol, you'd had all of these things. Did you feel like you got addicted to those or they kind of helped you, helped you for a phase and then you, they, you kind of got disillusioned with it or circumstances change and so. Oh, not doing that anymore and we're, we're doing something different. SPEAKER B No, there was no addiction whatsoever. I think it was just like that sort of temporary fix in the moment that there was no addiction. And I think that's because of what I was witnessing at home. Like, I don't want to be like that. SPEAKER A Right. That's interesting. Yeah. Because I did wonder when you mentioned that you turned to all of these things and yet the source of your stress was someone who was totally caught up in these things, which seemed a bit contradictory, but it's, I guess, yeah. As you've mentioned, you're just clutching for whatever can help you cope somehow. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. SPEAKER B I think, yeah. My, I hadn't actually told my family that just yet. They might have been a bit shocked when I shared it at Casey, but it is what it is and. Yeah, but I think it's just because I was reflecting on what was happening. I was like, I don't want to be like that because I can see what it's causing my family. SPEAKER A Yeah. SPEAKER B Yeah. No addiction. No addiction. When I went into lockdown, I was like, all right, well, I guess I can't do that stuff anymore. So we've got to find different things to do. SPEAKER A Do something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And obviously it's why the time is going so fast. Indeed. And so it sounds like in all of this, I think I've picked up a little theme that you, you're seeking for some sort of connection socially. Like, you've mentioned loneliness a few times, and you've also mentioned how you wished there were certain people around you who you could talk about these things and just have sort of that support. And so it seems like a deep need in your life for quite a long time throughout your story has been for a deeper personal connection socially on deep levels. SPEAKER B Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was close with, close with some people, but I think I, my now ex partner, who I did, who the relationship did end with during this time, knew most of it because I would talk to him about it a lot. And so now that he was gone, I was like, well, lifeline it is. They've probably heard many stories like that before. So maybe they can understand a little bit, but. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, I know that for, I think many people who go through what you've been through, just to have someone to talk to is actually really important. Like, when you got thoughts going through your mind of is life worth living? Or that kind of thing. Just to have someone to talk to can help you move through that phase and just to keep pushing on the. SPEAKER B Yeah, yeah, I did have my. I was, like I said, I became very close to my dad throughout all of this, but, yeah, having someone outside of the family would have been nice, but I didn't. SPEAKER A So, yeah, so there's a turning point coming here. You've gone through this terrible time and you are seeking. You're still seeking for. For answers. You're still seeking for something to help you with the deep hurt and the emotions and everything that's going on inside. What was the start of the way up? SPEAKER B Yeah. So I don't know what came over me, but I think I was just like, you know, I was spending all day of my lockdown days just scrolling on my phone and just being sad, stuck inside. I wasn't going outside. I think it was winter as well, so it was cold and I literally couldn't go outside. And then I think spring started coming in and I was sitting outside in the sun and I was like, right, that's it. We need to start filling our days in with things that isn't just going to be sitting inside and scrolling on your phone the whole time. And in hindsight, I think that was God starting his work in me. And so I was like, all right, we're going to start exercising. We're going to go on walks, get sunshine. We're going to eat good. And then for some reason, I made this dedication to start doing a Bible study every day. And I hadn't been doing that, but I was like, we'll do it. And so I downloaded, like, a little devotional app and I started doing them. And I think church was online at this point. I can't really remember if we were going back in or if it was still online. But, yeah, I started to feel good. I don't know if that's because I was reading my Bible or if I was actually properly caring for myself, but I started to feel happier. Yeah. I wasn't completely healed mentally, but I was starting to see some sort of change in myself. Yeah. SPEAKER A So that's so interesting. This seemed to be something that just was a spark of motivation for you to go in this direction. The idea of doing Bible studies was you just. Just came organically from your own. Like, you didn't have anyone prompting you or saying, oh, hey, we should do this, or something like that. SPEAKER B I used to be so scared of home. Like, I used to be so terrified of going home, but I was home by myself, and I was sitting outside, and we live on, my parents live on, like, this beautiful 20 acre property, and it was just sunny and green and blue skies, and I just, like, didn't feel scared. Finally, you know, and, yeah, this whole sort of idea came on me, like, all right, we're going to look after ourselves. And, yeah, the idea of Bible studies just popped in, and I started doing them every day. SPEAKER A That's amazing. And, you know, all of that time in nature, like, all of those things are very good for mental health. There's lots of research on that. But. And so that would have helped your headspace, for sure. But it's kind of. It's just amazing how, I guess maybe the holy spirit or something just popped the thought in your head that this is the path forward. This is what you can do. This is what will help you heal. And I know God speaks to us through the things of nature in his own way, but then for you to have that desire to get into Bible study, which it seems like this is, would it be right in saying this is the first time you've actually wanted to do this? Because you said before this, in your childhood, you resented or dreaded Bible studies in the house because they were boring. SPEAKER B That's right. SPEAKER A This is a huge step right here where you. You've just wanted to go do this. SPEAKER B Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, I just. I know it was God making, you know, beginning his change in my life. I just know it because, like, why would that thought randomly pop in my head, you know? Yes, I think started to take a turn. I was finally back at work at the start of 2021. I felt like I needed some sort of direction and connection with people, so I. And amongst this time, I was slowly getting into prayer, and the relationship with God was sparking. It was brewing and growing, growing, growing, but slowly anyway, so I started praying for God to send me my person and some sort of, you know, purpose and direction and what to do. And only a few weeks after praying for that, I met Rob, my husband. And, yeah, amongst all of this, I'm still sinning, even though I'm starting to learn about it. You still walk in sin until you don't understand how dangerous that is, and until you're born again, but, yeah, so. And then only a year, about. Yeah, about a year later, I found myself in motherhood. SPEAKER A Wow. SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A And that gives you a new purpose for sure, doesn't it? SPEAKER B Exactly, yeah. So he answered my prayers and, yeah, he gave me these two massive blessings, yet I was still walking in sin and I was just thinking, like, he must love me so much for me to disobey him this much. Yet he still has given me, like, the greatest blessing ever, you know? SPEAKER A Wow, that's so interesting. And I'm curious, like, before, when you initially went through that family crisis period, you expressed how you were really resentful towards God. Why did this happen to me? Why is all this happening? That's so bad? And now when you started getting into Bible study again, obviously that resentment has gone because you come in and you've got an open mind. You're even praying to him and he's answering your prayers. So this is a huge change. I'm just wondering, did that resentment drop out somewhere or did that. Did your mind switch or something? Like, is there anything there that you could share? SPEAKER B I think my mind just more so switched. Like, I kind of forgot about the resentment. But I will touch on soon, like, on, like, that really big switch and where I just, like, ask God for forgiveness. But I'm not quite up to that bit yet. But I can see the time ticking. That's all good. SPEAKER A Yeah. Okay, so this was, this is like a. Just progressive the stages towards how you're coming back to him. And bit by bit, as you can handle it, God is drawing you to him and showing you his unconditional love because, as you said, you knew and realised that you weren't doing anything to deserve the blessings he was pouring out in your life. And this was really touching your heart, which is amazing. SPEAKER B Yeah, I definitely was not. SPEAKER A Yeah. Yeah. So we might just hold it just there. Before we get to the last part of the story, we're going to take a little break just to share with you our contact details for three ABN Australia radio by the word of their testimony. So stay tuned for that and we'll be back with the rest of the story shortly. Thank you for joining us on by the word of their testimony. If you would like more information about today's programme, or if you have any questions, please contact three ABN Australia Radio by phoning 024-973-3456 or you can send an email to radiohreeabnaustralia.org dot au dot. You can also contact us on our three ABN Australia radio Facebook page. We look forward to hearing from you. I hope you're able to take those details. And we have been talking with Ally Keenan today. She's been sharing her story about what God has done in her life, even in the midst of some very difficult circumstances. And she's been sharing about how she went through a big, rough, terribly challenging time with her family and then how it all got worse with the pandemic and various other factors. And in the midst of that, she felt the inclination to go out in nature, enjoy the sunshine, the fresh air, the greenery, and also start reading her Bible and praying. And then God started doing amazing things in her life and blessing her. And so, ally, we're just so glad that you've been able to share so much of your story with us already. And we know there's a bit more to come. And you're just coming out of this phase and you're coming into a new phase of growth that God is leading you on. So where to from now? You've found your husband and you've got a child, and God has been leading you. And so where did he take you? SPEAKER B Yeah, so I started seeing God's beauty and blessings in Cohen, just like this beautiful little boy. And, you know, people say, well, like I said before, you know, you see God's beauty in nature. And I started seeing him also in Cohen, and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that, like, I had walked in so much sin and I didn't turn to him in all these hard times, and I was still walking in sin. I just wasn't doing all the things that I used to be doing. And yet he had still given me this, you know, tremendous blessing that, like, it was just, like, the most great thing ever. SPEAKER A Wow. SPEAKER B Yeah. So I started seeing his beauty in Cohen, and I was still doing my Bible studies. And I knew from the get go that I wanted my kids. Like, my biggest goal in parenting was for my kids to choose God as their saviour and best friend. And I thought, well, I need to get my relationship straight and secure with God before I can start teaching them properly, you know? SPEAKER A Yeah. SPEAKER B So I started doing my Bible studies and praying on a more deeper level. I was concentrating more. I was praying before I would do my studies for a clear mind and a full concentration on his word and what I was learning. And, yeah, there was one day, mid last year, well, coming up to that day, I had felt such a huge urge to understand the whole cross scenario. And, yeah, I was just. It was on my heart. And so one day when Cohen was asleep, I started, you know, diving deep into it and I had that huge realisation and I truly believe that that's something you can only discover for yourself and not that someone else can tell you, but I finally understood it and it clicked and I just fully broke down in tears. And it was just one of those moments where I was like, I finally get it. And I just asked for forgiveness on everything that I had done and how grateful I was that he got us out of all that stuff. Yeah, it was just onwards and upwards. From there, I started having sort of those realisations that, like, okay, well, I need to stop these things that I'm doing right now. I need to stop, you know, having a drink, you know, when I go out, not necessarily getting drunk, but just having a drink at a party or something like that. I need to stop, you know, doing things with my. With my now husband and, you know, that was quite difficult to. To handle. And, you know, there were times where I would slip up in my sin, but I would feel this overwhelming sense of guilt afterwards that would just make me cry. And, yeah, I knew that I wanted to get baptised again because I knew that it would mean something compared to last time. So I asked Michael Kaysie, church pastor, if I could start doing Bible studies with him and Rob and I ended up doing them together. SPEAKER A And. SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A So you found that upwards from there. Yeah. So that the key point for you was to really understand what Christ did for you in his sacrifice on the cross. Once you were able to capture that and the Holy Spirit was working to give you that understanding. That was that transforming moment that really took you so much further in terms of transforming your life. SPEAKER B It really shook me, but in a good way. I messaged my dad and he said it's something he'll never forget. I was like, I finally get it. Like, I understand it. And he says that he won't forget that day. And miraculously, he is also amongst all of the stuff as well. He was also angry at God when all that stuff was happening and now he's on the same page as me and it's just amazing what he does in his own time. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah. How God can take the pain that we have gone through and transform, or transform our hearts and to turn to him even after that, to. Yeah, to draw closer to him and just to realise that he has been with us, he's been looking out for us. And that's just so amazing. To hear how he did that in your life and in your heart, to, like, to have all of that time where in your childhood you've heard about the cross since before you can remember probably, you know, from Sabbath school days when you were a tiny tot and that kind of thing. And yet it took this time when God was finally able to touch your heart and that you were seeking it, and so he could then give you that understanding and take you so much further. And so you mentioned that you went, like, your husband as well, was doing this Bible study journey with you. SPEAKER B Yeah. So we were doing the studies together, and we came to the decision that we wanted to get baptised together. And we were both kind of. It felt like we were both sort of supporting each other through it all. We still struggled a little bit, but, yeah, it's just amazing how it all worked out. SPEAKER A Yeah, absolutely. And the fact that you have, like, he is on your side as well, and he has the understanding and he has his own testimony and journey, which I happen to know. And God has done amazing things in his life, and so you can now work together with that same mutual, I guess, empathy for each other and together raise your kids, hopefully, to have an understanding of how good God is, to just do so much for us like that. SPEAKER B Yeah. Like when I sort of told myself, oh, I want my kids to know God and to choose God. Like, I know that he doesn't, like, you know, maybe fully understand it, but he gets excited to go to church. Cohen, this is my son. He gets excited to go to church, and he sings things like, I love Jesus, and he wants to take his Bible out, and it's just. It's just incredible. It's so beautiful to see and. And just to be doing that with Rob is just awesome throughout the whole thing. Coming up to baptism and even still now, like, we. You know, if one of us makes a mistake, that's not necessarily something that God would do. We would pull each other up on it and be like, hey, you know, we shouldn't say this or we shouldn't do that, and let me help you with this, and we just support each other through it. SPEAKER A Mmm. That's such a huge blessing. SPEAKER B Yeah. Yeah, it's wonderful. Yeah. I can't believe my life right now compared to what it was. I just never saw it happening. SPEAKER A Yeah. Such a transformation in. It seems like a few short years, but actually, they probably felt very long at the time. But when you have the retrospective view, you can just see, wow, what God has done in that time has been just so amazing. Yeah. So I'm wondering what you might be thinking in terms of how you would plan to teach your kids what God has done and to help them have that understanding of having a real relationship with him. Do you have any strategies you're already putting in place for that? Or, like, what's your approach here that you're doing, doing for your little boy? SPEAKER B It's my day, so I'm still learning, but I guess just like, knowing what's right and wrong and knowing my word and, yeah, I might not be able to, you know, flick to a certain verse off the top of my head, but the more I read my Bible, the more I understand. Like, yes, my kids need to know this. And ensuring that he goes to Sabbath school to be surrounded by that environment of kids in his age also doing similar thing. And at home, you know, he, he might do something naughty and we have to explain why that's not good. And if he's, you know, just things like that. Yeah, I'm still learning myself. He's only two, so, yes, when he gets older, it might get a bit trickier, but just, yeah, implementing little things here and there. He loves to say prayer before all his meals and, you know, if we're having dinner with family, he stops everyone and says they all have to say prayer. Just little things like that. But, yeah, playing Bible songs and playing Bible stories out loud so he can, even, if, I don't know, he's taking it all in. He's still listening to it. SPEAKER A Yeah, yeah. You're immersing him in an environment that's sowing lots of seeds in his life and in his thoughts for Christ and helping him to establish good habits, which is a powerful thing at such a moldable age. Yeah, such as him. So you've gone through these studies and then your baptism day. Tell us about that. How did that go for you? What did that mean to you this time around? SPEAKER B I was like, I'm not a public speaker and I know, like, it wasn't like a huge crowd, but I was so nervous to read out my testimony in front of everyone. But as I started talking through it, I, yeah, I just, I felt so confident that it was gonna reach at least one person. Like, just at least one. And leading up to it, I was like, oh, I don't know if I can go through with this in front of such a big crowd because, like, I'm nervous and I'm, you know, I'm scared of, you know, judgement. And then I thought back to what Christ went through for us on the cross. I'm like, this is absolutely nothing compared to that. So I knew I had to do it. And. SPEAKER A Yeah, wow. SPEAKER B I did it. And I remember before we came back up onto the stage to go under the water, I was, like, jumping up and down in the back. I was so excited to just, like, do it. And it was just so beautiful being able to do it with my husband. I was just. Yeah. And Cohen just sitting up on the stage and watching it all happening. It was just incredible. SPEAKER A Yeah. These are memories that you're going to treasure forever, aren't they? SPEAKER B Yeah. SPEAKER A Of that day and. Yeah. Just what it meant to give your life to Christ, knowing what he had done for you from your heart. You know, the amount of meaning that that carried for you now. And the way that even having the courage to share your testimony stemmed from the courage that Jesus had to give his life for you, which is such a powerful thought. And, yeah, it's such a beautiful experience that you've had. SPEAKER B And it felt so different to the first time. Yeah, incredibly different. SPEAKER A Yeah. Yeah. Such a change in your mind, isn't it? That made a huge. And your mind and your heart, the working of God in your mind and heart made a huge difference, didn't it? Yeah. So it's been a little bit of time, not too long since you've been baptised, and so now you're a month, and now you're on the journey together, continuing to grow and learn and draw closer to God. And I'm just wondering if you have anything that you'd like to share from your experience, your whole life experience with getting to know God and what he's done for you that will give our listeners some encouragement, you know, just some. Some wisdom or thoughts from your experience that you'd like to share with people. SPEAKER B Yeah, I have a couple of things. The first one is that nothing of this world will help you. Nothing will help you other than him. And if it does help you, it's only temporary, but his is forever. The second thing would be to just give him a go and he's there. He's just waiting for you to seek him and to just knock on that door, just give it a go. And the last thing is, it might not really be advice, but I just like. You'll feel more content with your life when you know him and you have a relationship with him. SPEAKER A Wow. SPEAKER B Yeah. You won't be striving for things of this world and success and beauty and all that kind of stuff when you've got him, he'll give you that contentment. SPEAKER A Wow. That. I guess it's like the. It's like a deep inner heart need, isn't it? Just to feel at ease or peace or, as you say, content? Just different ways to describe it. But that's something you've found, isn't it, from your experience? SPEAKER B I used to stress about money, and I used to stress about having nice clothes and looking good, and now I'm just like, none of that stuff matters because it's not. We can't take that stuff to heaven. SPEAKER A Yeah. SPEAKER B And it's not forever. SPEAKER A Wow. Yeah. It's what's deep inside. SPEAKER B I've never felt more content. Yeah. I've never felt more content than what I am right now. SPEAKER A Wow. Praise God. What a testimony that is. And, like, just from your story, we can see that that's the case that, you know, God has really transformed your life and your whole mindset so that you are seeing things completely differently. And you've been through the process of trying whatever the world seems to offer you. You've tried it, and it hasn't helped. It didn't help you. And so now you've found something that's given you inner lasting peace, happiness. That's just huge. SPEAKER B Yeah. Just be patient with him. Like, if you're asking for things in prayer, he might have something better in store for you. You just have to be patient. And, yeah, he'll answer in his timing, because his timing better than yours. That's something else that I've learned. SPEAKER A Yeah. Wow. That is true. He sees a bigger picture, doesn't he, than what we can see. Yeah. When we trust him with that, it's a blessing, isn't it? Wow. So I'm so thrilled to be able to interview you today, Ali, and willing to share your story. I'm so grateful for that. And I know that many of our listeners will be blessed because your life experience is not an isolated experience. There are many people who could relate to various parts of your story. And so I'm just so grateful that God has given you strength and the willing heart to share today. Thank you. Wishing God's deepest and richest blessings in your life. SPEAKER B Thank you so much. SPEAKER A You're welcome. SPEAKER B Thank you for letting me share. SPEAKER A Our pleasure. You've been listening to. By the word of their testimony, I'm your host, Kaysie Vokurka. And our guest today has been Ally Keenan, who has shared what God has done in her life, and it's been powerful. You know, a person's testimony inspires faith and shows us that God is real and that he cares about us. Do you have a story about what God has done for you? Share it with someone today. And may God bless you. Speaker B: You've been listening to a production of 3BN Australia radio.