Interview with Kate Simpson - 2301

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Jesus worthy. [00:00:35] Speaker B: Revelation twelve, verse eleven. And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Welcome to by the word of their testimony. And here is your host, Kaysie Vokurka. Hello and welcome to the program. So glad that you could join us today. And we have a special guest here in our studio. This is Kate Simpson. Welcome to the program today, Kate. [00:01:02] Speaker A: Hi. [00:01:03] Speaker C: Thank you. Good to be here. [00:01:05] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Kate is someone who is very special to me. I was housemate with her for a while, and then we were in the same workplace for even longer, and we had a great memory recently where she was a bridesmaid for my wedding. That was a real fun time, wasn't it? [00:01:23] Speaker C: Oh, that was so much fun. Can you get married again? [00:01:28] Speaker B: It would be so cool to do it again, but I don't know if I would handle the stress. Well, maybe my husband would struggle with that more than me, but it was an awesome time. So, yeah, really great experience. So tell me a little bit more about where you are at the moment, Kate, and what are you up to? [00:01:44] Speaker C: So right now, I have just been in university for almost four weeks. [00:01:50] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:50] Speaker C: Which is, like, crazy. Yes. So I'm studying at the Avondale University, which is, like, half an hour below Newcastle. There's a really beautiful place here, and I am studying a bachelor of nursing. It's a lifelong dream that is finally coming to fruition, and I've had many moments of, like, wow, I'm finally here. And then just visions of walking across the stage in my gown and then actually walking onto a hospital ward and being a nurse. [00:02:20] Speaker B: Oh, wow, you've really got that right before you. [00:02:23] Speaker A: Right. [00:02:24] Speaker C: You've just got that and you're seeing. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Your graduation day already. [00:02:27] Speaker C: That's it. It's like the little thought that gets me through some days I've been like, well, I'm ever going to wrap my head around this. I'm like, yes, I will, because I'm going to walk across that stage and I'm going to be graduated. But, yes, studying. I'm now a university student, which is so exciting. [00:02:44] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So you mentioned before that it's been a lifelong dream of yours, pretty much, to come and do nursing. Tell me a little bit more about that. [00:02:52] Speaker C: Yeah. So I've always had an interest in people and in nursing and in medicine in particular, and just getting down a little bit more detailed in the human body and how it works. Currently, one of the subjects we're studying is chemistry, so we're looking at how atoms and all these cells and things work right at the core element of life, and it just is making me fall in love with the human body even more. So I've always had that interest and then always knew I'd do something medical or something with people. And nursing came up and then it disappeared and I went into all sorts of different areas, but it's always kind of come back to that. And at one point, I remember making a solid decision that I was going to be a paramedic, I was going to work at an ambulance, and I was going to do that kind of thing, because that combined the human body and people and everything. That lasted for about three months. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:03:47] Speaker C: Changed my mind. I think we went to a midwife at that point, and then somehow we came around to nurse. It was kind of about the time that I was talking to Casey and she encouraged me. Just pursue your dreams. I don't know if you remember that conversation. [00:04:03] Speaker B: Yeah, I do remember that. That was going back a few years ago, wasn't it? [00:04:06] Speaker C: It was a few years ago, but. [00:04:08] Speaker B: You'Ve really held to that vision, haven't you? [00:04:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:11] Speaker C: And so ever since that conversation, that's been the point that I pin in my life is that's when I decided to be a nurse. [00:04:18] Speaker A: Wow. [00:04:19] Speaker C: And so that was a couple of years ago. And I've been working towards that dream. I've been saving. I've been working. I've been dreaming. [00:04:27] Speaker B: Yes. [00:04:27] Speaker C: And now finally stepping onto university and actually doing it, it's a dream come true. [00:04:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. Yeah. [00:04:34] Speaker C: And I'm so grateful. [00:04:35] Speaker A: Wow. [00:04:36] Speaker B: What an amazing place to be in. In your life at the moment, isn't it? [00:04:39] Speaker C: I know, yeah. The world is my oyster. The saying is true. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Very good. So the listeners will probably be wondering, where are you from originally? Because you've got a bit of a mixed accent there. [00:04:52] Speaker C: So tell us a bit more about that. [00:04:54] Speaker B: I mean, you're in Australia, but is that your home country? [00:04:57] Speaker C: I like to call it home. I feel like it's home here. But no, if you've heard an accent, I am from New Zealand, so I'm a full kiwi. Okay. Well, actually, my dad's part English, but aside from that, I've grown up in New Zealand all my life. Lower North island, so down between Palmers north and Wellington, if anybody has ever been there, everybody always asks, oh, where in New Zealand are you from? So that's where. Yeah, grew up there for most of my life and then came to Australia and. Yeah. Nice. Now I feel like it's home here because I've made a lot of friends, I've made a lot of connections. I had a very formative couple of years of life where I did a lot of growing personally, socially, mentally, spiritually as you're here. Wow. So I feel very grounded and connected here. [00:05:49] Speaker B: That's really awesome that you've been able to find so much growth recently in the time you spent here in Australia. So I feel like this is touching. Now on a bit more of the story that you're going to share with us today, tell me a little bit more about how you have grown in your spiritual journey and what, what has been the key points that have brought you to where you are today in, in your spiritual walk. But yeah, tell me how that started. How did you actually come to really want to follow God and his plan for your life? [00:06:23] Speaker C: Where do I begin? So growing up, I was born into a 7th day adventist family. Mum and dad were 7th day Adventists. They haven't always been. My dad's parents became 7th day Adventists at the time that he did. It was kind of a family thing. They had studies, they would get baptized together. And it was about the time that dad married Mum that they put 7th day Adventists and Christianity into their home. And so that was how they lived for a couple of years and then they had kids, myself being the first. And I've got a younger brother, two years younger. So we were born into this family of Christianity and we lived in a small town, went to a little family home church, kind of two of them. We lived half of my childhood in one district and half in another, but close enough. So we're kind of split between two or three churches. But growing up, church has always been, and to this day it still is my weekly highlight. If I can't go to church, if I'm sick, I'm actually really sad. [00:07:25] Speaker B: You miss it? [00:07:26] Speaker C: Yeah, I do. It's my socialization. [00:07:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:30] Speaker C: Just connecting with people. Being able to dress up. [00:07:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:33] Speaker C: Aside from that, church is more than just being able to put on nice dress. [00:07:38] Speaker B: Special, isn't it? It's so special to, yeah. [00:07:41] Speaker C: And you turn up and you feel just there and it feels different being at church on Sabbath as opposed to just any other day. So that was always a highlight. And we had an amazing Sabbath school teacher before I was twelve. So at twelve I made a decision to be baptized. But before that we had amazing Sabbath school teacher. Mom and dad taught a little bit in the Sabbath school class, but then a really good friend, Julie, she was an older family friend and really just adopted us in. And because of the small church, it was mostly just my brother and I in that class. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Wow. [00:08:17] Speaker B: That was on a few Sabbath school classes, wasn't it, really? [00:08:20] Speaker C: It was so good. But she was so spiritually grounded. I remember we're studying the Christian's armor. That really stands out. There was a few more kids in class at that time, but we went through the Christian's armor and we made a whole pile of, like, cardboard swords and breastplates and shoes and helmets, the whole lot. [00:08:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:42] Speaker B: So this is the armor of Ephesians six that we're talking about here. [00:08:46] Speaker C: Yeah, the helmet. And we studied all about it. We put it all in our little books and made all this armor. And then we had a special service where we paraded down the church wearing all of our armor to onward christian soldiers. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Yeah. [00:09:01] Speaker C: That was so good. [00:09:02] Speaker A: Nice. [00:09:03] Speaker C: So that was Sabbath school years and then around. [00:09:06] Speaker B: So just before we move on from Sabbath school years, you've mentioned about your Sabbath school teacher and everything. Obviously that period of your life really had an impact to help you want to give your life to Christ because you mentioned that that was formative in having you make that decision. Is there any other elements that you could share that really helped you make that decision in that context? [00:09:31] Speaker C: Trying to think. I think personal devotions might have been part of that as well. I can't remember. I honestly can't remember when I first started having. I can't remember what came first, the morning prayers or the evening prayers. I think it was the evening prayers. I can't remember the first time I started doing that. But at some point I just did. And I have continued that every single day. I don't think I've missed a day because I can't sleep if I don't. I remember one time I went to sleep and then woke up because I hadn't said my prayers. But that has been key. And then morning study as well, reading the Bible or praying. And that's had aspects as well that I will talk about a little bit later on. But that's been very formative. And I think from just my whole growing up years, I've never questioned that I would want to continue being a Christian. That's never been a doubt. There's been some roller coasters, as always, but it's never been a question as to whether I want to continue to follow God. [00:10:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. [00:10:34] Speaker B: So you've had that solid direction all through, even with ups and downs, that definitely you're wanting to follow God and give your life for him. So, yeah, that's really amazing, really special. So you've grown up in New Zealand, you've got a family, brother, parents. You've been through this Sabbath school class where you've really impacted, really wanting to give your life to Christ. What's next in your journey from here? [00:11:00] Speaker C: Well, then I got baptized. [00:11:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:11:02] Speaker C: I was twelve and it was really exciting. Got baptized in a river near our house. [00:11:07] Speaker A: Nice. [00:11:08] Speaker C: And that was just like the commitment that, the demonstration of the commitment that I want to follow God and I know I want to do this. So that's kind of where it continued. [00:11:19] Speaker B: So that really solidified that decision for you. Going, getting baptized. People around are supporting you with that choice. [00:11:30] Speaker C: And then moving on from there. I think that's when we flow into the next phase of my christian experience. Okay, so that was kind of a childhood year. And then we start moving into the teenage years. [00:11:45] Speaker B: A bit notorious for some interesting. All right, so what happened in this phase? [00:11:52] Speaker C: So I had quite the assortment of things happen in this stage from 13 to 16 or 17. Some, well, let's say most weren't exactly pleasurable, but a lot. I have been really grateful to God that he's allowed me to have those experiences, and that has deepened my faith and trust in him. So I think the first major thing that happened around the time that I turned 13, I remember having this kind of awakening to the world around me. When you're a kid, you don't really notice stuff. You're just like, oh, we're going on a holiday. Oh, we're going to town. And then you turn 13 and you start noticing every single detail of life around you. And I was like, wow, this world, suddenly it has some serious parts, and you're kind of just going along with the flow when you're a kid, but then you start noticing things more. And so around the time I was 13, we found out that my dad had prostate cancer, which was a complete shock to the whole family. It was just a routine medical checkup. And all of a sudden now he has cancer. [00:13:05] Speaker A: Wow. [00:13:05] Speaker C: And it was in the early stages, so there was quite a lot of optimism. It was not like, oh, dad's got cancer, this is going to be really bad. We all thought that it was going to work out okay, and we didn't really know what to expect, but I don't remember it being terribly shocking, per se. It was just an interesting experience. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:27] Speaker B: So when you heard that news first, how did you feel? [00:13:31] Speaker C: I think just like you always imagine you always hear, oh, we got told that someone has cancer today. And you always imagine, oh, what would that be like? But we're just in the living room and the doctor just called up on the telephone and dad hopped off the phone. He's like, I've got cancer. And we're like, okay. [00:13:50] Speaker A: Wow. [00:13:50] Speaker B: So matter of fact, wasn't it? [00:13:53] Speaker C: Yeah, very matter of fact. And it was in the early stages, as I said, so there wasn't quite a whole lot of. At least from my perspective. I don't know how mum was feeling about that, but it wasn't terribly shocking at that point in life. But then it continued. So dad had cancer for three or four years, and through that time it got worse, it got better. There was a whole lot of stuff going on. There was also some family stress issues and things that were going on, so the house wasn't exactly comfortable physically or mentally or emotionally, kind of. So there was a whole lot of ups and downs going on. [00:14:35] Speaker B: And this is an up and down period for even a normal circumstance for someone your age at that time. So that would have been quite challenging. [00:14:42] Speaker C: Exactly. Affected church as well. Sometimes the upsets could continue over into Sabbath, and so either we would bring all that to church and then put on a face at church, or we would kind of just stay home because we weren't feeling physically comfortable or whatever to go. Dad was in a lot of discomfort of all sorts of reasons at that time. So that kind of affected church and spirituality as well, the way that I connected with church. Yeah, it affected the family a whole lot in. Yeah. So I think the first couple of years it was fairly straightforward, and then the third or fourth year, the cancer started to get a hold of him. [00:15:28] Speaker B: Right? [00:15:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:29] Speaker B: So I'm just wondering, throughout this whole time, obviously a lot of family ups and downs, a lot of emotional tension, all of that kind of thing, which. It's a stressful period. How was your faith in all this time? I mean, you've recently been baptized around when you're twelve, and now you've gone through this period of number of years where you've got all this stress. How's your faith going? [00:15:52] Speaker C: It was good. [00:15:53] Speaker B: Really? [00:15:54] Speaker C: It was good. I can say it was good. [00:15:55] Speaker A: Wow. [00:15:56] Speaker C: As I said before, I've never questioned whether I would continue following God, and I can say personally that I've never blamed God for anything negative that's happened. I know there's things that he's had to allow and there's definitely been things in my life that he has obviously allowed for. Who knows what reason? But I've never questioned his goodness and never questioned whether I want to stop trusting in him just because all of this stuff is happening. So there was periods where maybe going to church and having all this kind of outward spirituality wasn't exactly the easiest or didn't come with the most comfortable emotions. But, yeah, I'd always continued to serve God and honor him in my heart. [00:16:43] Speaker B: And so what was the basis of that continuity of your hope in God, really, at that time? Where's the grounding point for that in your life? [00:16:56] Speaker C: I'm going to say I think it was just childhood faith and trust. [00:17:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:17:00] Speaker C: As I've gone on later in life, there's definitely things that have happened that I can look back and see God at that point in life, I don't think I'd had any particular experience. I think I had known that God just loved me and cared for me. But definitely I can say it wasn't as deep as I have now, but it was just kind of God's always been there, God's looking after stuff, and I can just trust him with things. [00:17:26] Speaker B: That's really powerful because Jesus talks about having a childlike faith and how much that is of value and how it can carry you through so many rough circumstances. Because it's like Jesus, when he was in the storm, the storms were going around, and he's like, yeah, God's in control and peace, be still. And it sounds like you had that as part of experience. [00:17:51] Speaker C: Yeah. I can see now why Jesus says that we need to mature in our faith, because that faith that I had at that point, that would not be sustaining me right now. I'd be thinking if I had that. [00:18:02] Speaker B: Time, this is interesting to talk through. [00:18:06] Speaker C: Yeah, but that's a good revelation, I guess, because as a child, that's kind of all you need. But as long as, as you grow, as your faith grows as well. And that has happened through different experiences. But at that point, that's what we had, that's what we worked with and it worked. [00:18:21] Speaker B: Wow, very interesting to hear that perspective and how that was a reality for you. [00:18:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:29] Speaker B: So you were mentioning before that towards the end of this period, your dad has gotten a bit worse now with his health. What was happening in that stage then? [00:18:39] Speaker C: So, as I said, he got better, then he got worse, then he got better, and then when he got worse again, it was kind of really going downhill at that point, and there was kind of nothing that we could do about it. He'd chosen a route of dealing with the cancer that was no surgery or no invasion. Kind of. [00:19:00] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:00] Speaker C: So for a while it was working, but then it kind of got to a point of no return where we realized that the only thing that could change this was a miracle. [00:19:10] Speaker A: Wow. [00:19:10] Speaker C: And we never. I don't know what we thought at the time, but I'm going to say that we never lost faith that God could perform a miracle. It was all just about whether God wanted to. Okay. And so going through that time, there was a lot of prayer going around. Like, if you can heal him from this, if it's your will to take him, just help us to deal with it. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker C: But that period lasted for around a year. The last maybe eight months of it were pretty hard. He got bedbound and so we had a hospital bed in our house. Wow. We managed to keep him at home the whole time. [00:19:45] Speaker A: Wow. [00:19:46] Speaker B: So he's at home. He's obviously in pain in this time, but you're there, right, with him. [00:19:52] Speaker C: Yeah. And so it was just the four of us at home, and that put a strain on some things because we couldn't really leave them at home. So we couldn't go out as a family, like mum and my brother and I couldn't go out. One of us would have to stay home. And then. Yeah, there was all these different things. I think a lot of people didn't really realize what we might be going through, so there wasn't the greatest amount of support. But then, I guess if you haven't been through it, how do you know what people need? [00:20:22] Speaker B: It is challenging. [00:20:23] Speaker C: It's all very well dumping some groceries on the doorstep, and that was really appreciated. But at the end of the day, I think the things that you really need, like just take the kids out for a bit, maybe weren't as perceived. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:35] Speaker C: So it was kind of rough at the time. I mean, we're grateful to everyone for what they did, but there's only so much you can do if you don't know. So we were kind of just floating along. Dad was in a lot of pain. The house wasn't comfortable because dad wasn't happy with the pain and everything. Actually, on the weekends, we had amazing friends that would travel a couple of hours and they would just fill our lounge room and I'd bring their guitars and we would sing, and we would just have church at home and all of, like, my brother and I, our childhood friends that come with their families, and we'd just get to hang out and take our minds away from what was happening every week at home. [00:21:19] Speaker B: That would have meant so much at the time, you know what I'm saying? [00:21:23] Speaker C: About church being a highlight. [00:21:24] Speaker A: That was it. Wow. [00:21:26] Speaker C: That was such a highlight. [00:21:27] Speaker B: Church in your home, for your family going through that rough time, that would have been really something. [00:21:33] Speaker C: So it really made a difference. And then after this whole big stretch of time, finally one morning, mum woke us up and she's like, dad's passed away. So I was able to just pass away in his sleep at home, which was really good because there's many ways that people can die in very uncomfortable ways. But thankfully, we were able to rest knowing that he'd just passed away, that he wouldn't know, and that one day we might see him again, which, God willing, would be amazing. [00:22:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:06] Speaker C: Wow. And so that was kind of the end of that period. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Period. So how did you respond to that? Because not every young person at that age experiences someone who's so close to them passing away. So how did you respond? How did you react to that? [00:22:22] Speaker C: So I was 16, almost 17 at the time. And I think I just accepted it after four years of this very uncomfortable situation at home, in the last year of just seeing dad in so much pain going, this needs to stop. Either he needs to get better or he just needs to pass away and not be in pain anymore. I think it was like just relief that now he wasn't in pain anymore. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Wow. [00:22:50] Speaker C: For myself, I think mum might have taken it a little bit more on the sad side, but I was just grateful that it was over. Honestly, nobody goes around wishing that their dad dies, but because it had finally just. Something had to happen. [00:23:07] Speaker B: It's gotten that bad. [00:23:08] Speaker C: And he'd passed away in his sleep. He was comfortable. He wasn't in pain anymore. [00:23:13] Speaker A: Wow. [00:23:13] Speaker C: Well, not that in his conscience he was comfortable, but at least he wasn't in pain anymore. [00:23:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:19] Speaker C: And I think I kind of just accepted it, per se. My brother and I had been quite supportive of the family and of mum in the way that we could. So we almost felt that we were holding up a significant portion of the household. And so I think it kind of continued from after that that we moved on to not supporting the household anymore, but just supporting mum and just helping to hold everything together. So the first couple of weeks were interesting as the reality sunk in. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:56] Speaker B: So at that time, did you experience anything that you understood or recognized as grief? [00:24:06] Speaker C: Not really. And it's a very interesting thing to talk about. There's occasionally, sometimes people will ask me, they'll find out that my dad has passed away and they might ask in a specific way that just brings up all the emotions and I start crying in front of them. But I can't really explain why that happens. I think it's just with the care and compassion that they ask. [00:24:29] Speaker A: Wow. [00:24:30] Speaker C: But for most people that ask or that find out or that I tell, I can easily talk about it. Even when it had just happened in the first year or so, I could just accept the fact and I could say, yeah, my dad just passed away, so I haven't experienced the kind of crying about everything as what you wouldn't maybe typically think of as grief. I've been quite accepting of the fact that it's happened. There's been moments in later years that I've been kind of missing my dad or missing the person that I never really got to meet. And so that was kind of because, as I mentioned, he got sick around when I was 13 and when I just become aware of the world. So before that, I was a child and I had a childish relationship with him, so that finally, by the time I became more of a teenager, that was at the point he got sick and he stopped being a father to look up to, and he turned into a father to care for. [00:25:34] Speaker A: Wow. [00:25:35] Speaker C: And so I felt like I've never really got to know him as a friend. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:40] Speaker C: Which is also another uncomfortable thing that people don't really want to hear about. When people ask you, oh, your dad died. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. They expect you to fall over and cry and tell you that you miss him so much and that you wish it never happened. Which I wish it never happened, but they expect all this kind of stuff. But that's not exactly the story I have to tell. [00:26:03] Speaker B: So it sounds to me more like what you experience in relation to your dad is. And I guess this has probably come more as time's gone on. A sense of loss, really, isn't it, that you haven't had the opportunity to have a dad to look up to through all of those formative teenage years, young stage of life, where there's so much going on for you and you just wish that you had a dad there to cheer you on. [00:26:29] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:29] Speaker B: That's something you haven't had. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:31] Speaker C: A loss of something that I never had. That reality has sunk in a few times in life, but, yeah, I've processed it fairly well, considering, and I'm fully expecting that at some point in life. They say that grief can kind of just get buried at the time and then it can surface later on in life. Like, if you ever get married or just all sorts of things. If you have kids, I don't know, whenever it can just pop up and I'm fully prepared to deal with it at that point. I have no trouble dealing with the idea that grief could hit and just take it easy on myself and whatever. But it's never actually hit per se as what I would have imagined grief to hit. So in that regard, it's been kind of easier to manage and deal with and live despite. [00:27:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I guess the closer you have a relationship with someone, the more you would feel that grief. So, like, I imagine your mum, she would have been hit much more hard because she's been with him so many years, she's been so intertwined with his life and then now he's taken away. That would really cut right to the heart. [00:27:41] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:27:42] Speaker B: I imagine you would have seen and experienced a lot. [00:27:46] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, I've seen grief, yeah. Poor mum, she was such a mess. But my brother and I were able to support her quite a bit. But after a point, that kind of started taking its toll as we'd already done four years of supporting the family and now we were intensely supporting mom, that if we went out at any situation, she might be liable to cry. And then my brother and I would just have to be like, she's okay, she just needs to cry or whatever and support her. But we did feel a lot like we were holding the family together still for such a young age. You're 17. My brother would have been Lord ever 15. 1415. And, yeah, like, as you said earlier, there's not a lot of kids that have experienced that at that point in life, definitely. So that kind of. At that point we'd moved into town because mum had to get a job. We've always lived in the country from all of my memorable years. Maybe before I was four, we lived in town. But from after that, the only thing I can remember is living in the country. Big open spaces, no noise, no lights and everything. And so after dad died, we had to move to town. Mum had to get a job. It was a small town. We were on the edge of town, but that started heading in a different direction. So now we were stuck in this little town with people all around. It was a quieter street, except for the neighbor. We were at the end of a dead end street, except for the neighbor just at the end of it that drove out of their house like five times a day. So that was interesting. But we had paddocks to look out on the back and the front and we had neighbors down the road. But again, I couldn't go and walk in nature. [00:29:39] Speaker B: Right, so you really missed that. [00:29:40] Speaker C: Yes, I did. So walking in nature had really calmed me through a whole lot of stuff. I could go out, I could just lie under the stars. I could talk it all out to God. I could just wander around in the dark in peace. And moving to town couldn't do that anymore. I'm not just going to stroll along the street and start talking to the sky. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:05] Speaker B: So then it sounds like your coping strategy has been taken away. So how did you deal with that? [00:30:10] Speaker C: Yeah, well, I didn't deal with it very well, honestly. I sunk into a little of the beginning stages of depression. It was what I would describe as a situational depression. I know depression, I don't know a heap about it, but I know it can just come in even the nicest of environments. But mine was an environment where something. I'd lost something and I'd been plunged into this place. I felt trapped in this little box. I couldn't get out, I couldn't do anything. Mum was at work most of the week. I mean, she wasn't working full time. My brother was also really struggling with it, so he was just, I don't know, occupying himself, just doing stuff. We were hanging out at home, was on my own a lot of the time. My brother would go down to see our friends just for something to do because he was bored out of his tree. And so I'm just hanging around, frankly, getting more and more depressed. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Wow. [00:31:08] Speaker C: Because what can I do anymore? Life is just continuing. We had to change churches. It was a church that we'd gone to when we were younger, but our friends and stuff weren't necessarily going there anymore. [00:31:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:31:22] Speaker C: Bit of a different situation. [00:31:25] Speaker B: So you're feeling a little bit lonely in this process, a bit out of your place. Your moods dropped really low, which I know a lot of young people have struggles with that, so that's very relevant. What did you do through that process? [00:31:43] Speaker C: I think it was a time that I just held on to God. It definitely wasn't one of the strongest experiences of my christian life. But again, I hadn't once doubted God and that he was good. I just wasn't sure how to get the clouds out of the way. Right. So God's always been up there, he's always shining like the sun, he's always in the sky. I'm down on the earth. But sometimes there's these clouds in the way and sometimes they just come and go and they just pass away and you're like, okay, that was all good. But this felt like a storm. So this whole thick black thunder had rolled in and there were some raindrops and a few flashes of lightning. [00:32:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:28] Speaker C: And so I'm just like, God, I know you're up there, but I don't really know how to connect with you. I'm just really lost. [00:32:34] Speaker A: Wow. [00:32:36] Speaker C: And mum was going through her own kind of grief process. [00:32:40] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. [00:32:42] Speaker C: And growing up as well, my parents hadn't been particularly spiritual role models like, they'd taken us to church. We always growing up in a christian family, we had christian values and adventist values and all these kinds of things. They were definitely christian, but they weren't sort of displaying and demonstrating how to walk in a christian life at home every day. It was kind of me and my household that had started the little morning and evening prayers and my little devotions and things. [00:33:15] Speaker B: Okay, so in your home, you were the one who actually initiated this early morning in my own life, evening. Okay, where did you pick up on that to do that? [00:33:25] Speaker C: No idea. [00:33:26] Speaker A: Okay. [00:33:26] Speaker C: Maybe from reading spirit of prophecy where it says it's well to spend an hour in thoughtful meditation. And I thought, that's it, that's what I'm going to do. [00:33:35] Speaker B: Okay, well, good on you. And how did that flow out in the family situation? [00:33:42] Speaker C: I think mom observed it and thought, that's a good idea and then started doing it. But a lot of it was because you should. And I think a lot of the things in life, especially in conservative adventist churches of all places, you can end up doing a lot of things just because you should. And it's the right thing to do, but the heart is not necessarily there. And for myself as well, having those early morning devotions and an hour in study, I oftentimes would have just done it because I should, which it's good stuff does go in, but a lot of the time, a lot of it didn't. And I wasn't necessarily waking up excited to do that. And that continued during the time that we were living in town. So after all of that had happened, I was again back to the I should just do this because it's the right thing to do. This is how we connect with God. But at that point, it wasn't really filling the hole. Life has taken over. Simple childhood faith is no longer cutting it. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Wow. [00:34:48] Speaker C: And so I was in a bit of a faith deficit where life was too much for the christian experience I had at the time. And I didn't really know how to get out of it. [00:34:58] Speaker A: Wow. [00:34:58] Speaker C: I knew I didn't want to give it up, but it just wasn't keeping up, and I didn't know how to grow it or. Yeah, I was just kind of really lost, and I couldn't really look to my parents. My mom wasn't really there. She was still in the should stage, and I don't know how that was working out for her, but it wasn't really cutting it for anyone. [00:35:19] Speaker B: So how did you move forward from this? This sounds like a very almost hopeless situation. You've kind of lost your grip on faith, and you're in a dark patch. Where's the way out here for you. [00:35:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:35] Speaker C: Well, praise God, he did provide a way out, because if that had continued, I can say for a fact that I would have done something really bad. Depression continues into all sorts of areas. [00:35:46] Speaker A: Sure. [00:35:47] Speaker C: It wouldn't have ended well. I can see that now. So, praise God, there was a solution. We made really good friends with a family that had eight kids at the time, so that was quite a change for my brother and I. [00:36:00] Speaker B: Very big change. [00:36:01] Speaker C: Yeah. And so they lived about 2 hours away, and we weren't sure how. We had never crossed paths before, but they lived 2 hours away and an hour out of town, so an hour out of everywhere. My brother had got to know them first and did a little bit of stuff with them. And then he moved up there, which was the greatest blessing in his life because he was in a bit of a similar situation as me. I would just say a little bit worse. [00:36:28] Speaker B: Okay. [00:36:29] Speaker C: So him moving up there really just helped him. [00:36:32] Speaker B: So you both actually went to this family's house. You stayed there? Is that what happened? [00:36:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:38] Speaker C: So he moved up there. We spending so much time up there, they just kind of adopted him in. Wow. And I saw what he was having and the experience in the place and the people, and I thought, I want some of that, too. That's what I need right now. [00:36:52] Speaker A: Wow. [00:36:53] Speaker C: And so I think we went there, and they offered for me to come and live up there as well. And I was like, sure, yes, please take me. I'll come. [00:37:05] Speaker A: Wow. [00:37:05] Speaker B: So now they've got a family bursting at the seams. They've already got eight, and they add two more teenagers. [00:37:11] Speaker C: Yeah, well, when you have eight kids, you add a couple or more. Nobody really notices. [00:37:18] Speaker B: That's true. You could look at it that way, can't you? [00:37:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. [00:37:21] Speaker C: That was such the blessing. So I was then an hour out of town, back in the country. I could go and connect with God, walking in the abandoned nature, and I could just go and look at the stars and I could just do all the stuff. Felt free to connect. There wasn't stuff. Worldly stuff and just city life and everything. We were in a small town, but you got cars and everything going on. [00:37:49] Speaker B: So it was a very clean environment for you to be reconnecting. And a lot of social support, too, by the sounds of things. [00:37:56] Speaker C: Yes. I went back to being a child because we'd had that teenage years and a little bit, twelve to, whatever, 17, that had been rather responsible. We'd been holding the family together in quite significant ways. And especially in the last year. I had been working a little bit at the time as well. In that year that we were living in town, working at a retirement home, just doing my thing. Loved the people. The staff were a little bit challenging for my mental state at that time. So leaving all of that, leaving the support that we were having to give to mum, we thought, she needs to find some support. That's not us, because we're all going through this grief thing. It wasn't coming out particularly the same with all of us, but we're obviously all struggling with typical. [00:38:50] Speaker B: Often different personalities react to those kind of events differently, don't they? [00:38:55] Speaker C: So leaving her was a bit interesting because you don't often. There was a lot of people that thought it was a really bad idea. They counseled me against it. They counseled both of us against it. Like, you need to be together. You need to be with your family. But I knew in my heart, if I stay there any longer, that nobody was going to end up well. Like, nobody was getting better. So we needed to go. We needed to have our own space to just process what in the world had just happened in the last five years. [00:39:24] Speaker B: That's a big deal. I mean, your family is now totally split up. You've lost your dad, you've moved with your brother to this new family and your mom has left. What has happened? I mean, I can totally see how. [00:39:38] Speaker C: You'D be in this, having to read five years. Yeah. [00:39:41] Speaker B: Recalibrate what has life brought. [00:39:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:44] Speaker C: So living there, there was a lot of evenings where I would get in the lounge and I would just start with something. Their mom would notice that I wasn't doing too well. And so all of a sudden, this whole big mass would just spill out onto the carpet and we would pick through it and we'd deal with it and I'd honestly feel like I had just thrown up that feeling of. [00:40:10] Speaker B: Just so you poured your heart out. [00:40:13] Speaker C: Poured a burden out. Okay. Just a disgusting, gross inside burden, but you've just been able to pour it all out and deal with it and you just feel better for having done so. [00:40:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:26] Speaker C: And so that was a whole lot of the shoulds in my christian experience. All of those came out and dealt with all of those. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Wow. [00:40:37] Speaker C: The things that you go, I should wake up, I should do this, I should read for this amount of time. We dealt with all of that, and that's when my faith really grew, when I realized that God loved me for who I was. And any amount of time that I gave to him, he was happy. I didn't have to wake up and spend a whole hour with him just to feel accepted and just to be a Christian. I could be a Christian if I gave him 2 seconds of my day, but the more I gave him, the more he could give me. And it was kind of that relationship that it's more about what God can give me as opposed to what I can give him. All that I can give him is just my mess. And honestly, it's a mess at this point. [00:41:21] Speaker B: That's really profound. That's totally flipping your perspective on that one thing, because it's not saying, don't spend that time with him. It's just like, you need to have a different perspective on this. Don't spend it because you feel like you should spend it because you want. [00:41:37] Speaker C: To connect with God and he wants. [00:41:39] Speaker B: To connect with you because it's great. Connecting with God. Yeah, it was so good. [00:41:44] Speaker C: And it's something that, having grown up in a super conservative church, you don't get that message. I don't know if people know it or they do, but you just don't really get that. You just get the, this is what you should do. This is what you shouldn't do. And you're supposed to go and figure your life out, choose your path, but realizing that, yeah, whatever you give to God. So there was mornings where, in breaking all of the shoulds, I would wake up. And then mum would say, all right, when you wake up, just give God as much time as it takes for you to feel that you have surrendered everything and that you've given everything. And so there were mornings where I'd wake up and I would spend two minutes on my knees and I'd be like, well, that's it. I've given him everything. And I'd go into my day and I'd feel happy. [00:42:33] Speaker A: Wow. [00:42:34] Speaker C: So I'm like, this just. I mean, from my upbringing, this feels wrong. Two minutes. I mean, surely can't I give him more time. But when you realize that it's all about just giving him your entire heart. And so once we dealt with that, once we dealt with just who owns my heart, then we could start pouring in stuff in the right order. [00:42:56] Speaker A: Wow. [00:42:57] Speaker C: Now it's about connecting with God as opposed to me fixing my life up by reading all this stuff and doing all the things myself. [00:43:07] Speaker B: So I'm reminded of the verse which is, the truth shall set you free. I would have felt a lot of freedom in your heart as opposed from this awakening of understanding about a way to look at these things. [00:43:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Wow. [00:43:22] Speaker C: That was so good. I'm so grateful. And there were many of those nights where we'd go through another thing and that would all spill out onto the floor and we'd deal with all of that. [00:43:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:32] Speaker C: It's hard to pinpoint everything I've gone into recently. Looking back on those years going, man, that just changed my life. But I can't exactly put my finger on any specific thing. There was obviously things like I've just shared where I was able to pinpoint that, but there's a whole lot more that just. It kind of just changes your head. And then now you just live in that truth and you don't realize where it started or where it ends, but it just became a part of me. But I do know it was a complete 180 from where I was. [00:44:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Total flip of mindset, wasn't it? Which is profound. So it sounds like this whole period of time where you're staying with this big family you've got, the mum of the family is like a mentor. She's taking you through all of these things, helping to unpack it, help to shift your perspective to a more healthy way. This whole experience was really healing for you, wasn't it? It sounds like it was a totally healing trend. [00:44:35] Speaker A: Dr. [00:44:35] Speaker B: Audit, warming time. Yeah, absolutely. That's so interesting. So we might just take a little. [00:44:42] Speaker C: Break at this point. [00:44:43] Speaker B: I know that at this point there's a lot that's happened. There's a lot that's about to happen now. You've just experienced this total healing time and I'm sure that this is a pivotal point for a new chapter from here. So we're going to dive into that new chapter after the break. We're just going to have a little break to hear how you can contact us on this program to find out a little bit more information. So stay tuned because the next part of the story is going to be well worth listening to. Thank you for joining us on by the word of their testimony. If you would like more information about today's program, or if you have any questions, please contact 3ABN Australia Radio by phoning 02 4973 456 or you can send an email to [email protected]. You can also contact us on our 3ABN Australia radio Facebook page. We look forward to hearing from you. Welcome back to the program. We have been listening to Kate Simpson, share about her life story and journeyings, and she's just been sharing all about how she went through a challenging period during her teenage years with her father passing away. And then she went to a family of eight children. Eight children, which is quite something and had a very healing experience there. That sounds like it was quite a turning point from where you were, which was quite a dark patch before you went to stay with this family. So you've had all of this transforming time with them. What happened next? [00:46:29] Speaker C: What next? Well, after being there for around ten months, I got the itch for adventure. We had done a mission trip to the Solomon Islands around the end of the year that I was there, and that just really fueled my adventurous spirit. And so I was looking for something else. And around that time, I'd been made aware of a health retreat over in Australia called Cedar Vale. They were offering a one year student training program where you learn all aspects of health. Retreat, kitchen. Yes. Interactions, cleaning, the whole lot, and massage. And I thought, that's me. Well, actually, originally I swore I was never going to do massage, but after the never say never, that's one thing you take away. But after the whole experience over in the Solen Islands, the travel, the new place, I was like, sign me up. So within two days of getting back, I had signed up to Cedar Val, got accepted, and I think there was only three or four weeks in between all of this before I packed myself into 2.5 suitcases and traveled all the way over to Australia to a place that I'd never been, to people I'd never met. I'd never met one single person I'd heard of one person, but I'd never met anyone. And so here I was, landed on the doorstep, right in the middle of all sorts of catastrophes that were going on in Australia at that point. [00:48:02] Speaker A: Wow. [00:48:02] Speaker C: So it was a complete change of life again from what I had been doing. [00:48:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:07] Speaker B: And how did that feel for you? Did you enjoy the challenge and the change of coming to a brand new place? I did. Did that tickle well with you? [00:48:16] Speaker C: That did. That suits me perfectly. [00:48:18] Speaker B: Good. [00:48:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:20] Speaker C: Moving away from the family that I was living with, I knew that I was going to go through severe homesickness. That's not something that I'd been through. Moving away from my own family because of the dramas that had been there, it was more of like, glad to be away. Love you, but I need my space. Yeah, but moving away from that family, I'd really grounded there. I'd found myself, my identity in Christ, and I'd found a home. I'd been able to be a kid. [00:48:48] Speaker A: Wow. [00:48:49] Speaker C: I'd been able to just really fit in and felt like I belonged and it was just really healing for me. [00:48:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:55] Speaker B: What a precious thing. [00:48:56] Speaker C: So moving away, I was like, I don't want to do this, but also, I can't just sit here forever. I need to go and do things. And so I thought, well, homesickness is going to hit at some point. And sure enough, it did one day later on my room, and I think their mum called up to see how it was going and I just burst into tears and I just sobbed and I cried and I'm like, all right, done. That was homesickness over. [00:49:23] Speaker A: It. [00:49:23] Speaker B: It was just like that? [00:49:24] Speaker C: Yeah, that was it. There was kind of like, you're going to go through this stage of it's going to be really hard and you're just going to miss home. And I was kind of like, I don't know what that's like. [00:49:33] Speaker A: So I kind of just got it. [00:49:35] Speaker C: Over and done with it. We moved on. [00:49:37] Speaker A: You. [00:49:38] Speaker C: I mean, there's plenty of times where I missed them, but it wasn't quite the yearning, the cutting, the ties. And so from that point, we moved on into developing my own spiritual experience because I'd been really grounded. I'd learned a lot about faith and how God relates to me in another family environment. I was kind of connecting with God through them. If I had any troubles, I would just spill all my stuff out. We'd work through it and I'd be good. But now here I am on my own. There's a couple of hours time difference, the family is busy and all this kind of stuff. You can't just call up at any old moment and have a chat necessarily. [00:50:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:22] Speaker C: So I remember journaling at that time. There was quite a few months or weeks of this going on and pages were being written in my journal. But there was a point where I realized that I feel like I'm hanging on a single thread and I feel that nobody is here to hold me. It's just me on my own. And I'm hanging by a thread. I could fall at any minute. But then the realization that God was actually there holding me, and that was such a comforting revelation that I'd been separated from this family that was holding me there, and now it was just me. But I realized that God was there, and that was kind of the point where my journey stepped into. It's now my own journey, and I'm now connecting with God by myself. [00:51:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:10] Speaker B: Because that's such an important phase for every young person to go through, especially if you're brought up in the church and you've got faith all around you. But is it really yours? And it sounds like this was a progressive journey for you to learn how to really make this a faith very much internalized for yourself. [00:51:28] Speaker C: So there was many ups and downs with that experience that lasted for pretty much a couple of years. The time that I was there at Cedar Valle, there'd be many nights where I would go and just lie on a bench and look at the stars and just talk to, oh, my favorite thing. I love those stars. Just feeling really close to God. And there was times in that experience, too, where things mightn't have been going very well. And I'd spell it all out to God just as it was, just talk to him as a friend. And I'd walk away going, well, my problems aren't fixed, but I know that God is with me. [00:52:05] Speaker B: What a wonderful assurance. [00:52:06] Speaker C: Yeah. And that was so comforting. [00:52:08] Speaker B: That would be mean so much to you. [00:52:11] Speaker C: And so we moved on. We continued learning and growing. There was up and downs. There was roller coasters in the journey, but always cling to God. The faith was growing. It was sustaining me. It was holding me. [00:52:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. [00:52:25] Speaker C: And then recently, in the last couple of months, there was a situation where this particular. We'll have those particular sins. There's this particular thing that just keeps recurring in my life. [00:52:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:39] Speaker C: And I was standing in the kitchen and going, God, I'm just done with this. There's nothing I can do about this. And then later on that evening, lying in bed, and I remember just bursting into tears. I don't cry easily. I love crying. But it takes a lot for me to actually find the emotions, to cry from a solid place. It's such a release. [00:53:02] Speaker B: Yes. Elaborate on this. I love crying. [00:53:05] Speaker C: I really love the emotions. The release. [00:53:09] Speaker B: Does that bring. [00:53:10] Speaker C: It's so comforting. [00:53:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:11] Speaker C: And so I was just lying there, and I just burst fully into tears. And I realized that I have no control over myself, that, wow, I can't fight this on my own. I can't fight my life on my own. I am actually hopeless without God. I am just done. There's nothing I can do, and I can't fix myself. I can't come to God. I can't read. I can't do anything on my own. And it was at that point, because being a very independent, self sufficient young woman, I don't like being helpless. [00:53:46] Speaker B: I can attest to that. [00:53:48] Speaker C: Yes. [00:53:49] Speaker B: That's very much your kind of character mold. Yeah, this was a big thing. [00:53:54] Speaker C: Exactly. I don't like feeling that I can't do anything about myself, that I can't even come to God. Like, how dare you? Of course. But I can't. [00:54:03] Speaker A: Wow. [00:54:03] Speaker C: I can't even surrender without God. [00:54:06] Speaker B: Yeah, that's very humbling, isn't it? [00:54:08] Speaker C: Yeah. When you realize that I need God for everything, and so coming to him like that and just letting all of that sink in and then being like, God will do that for me. I just have to be willing to be made willing, and he will come in and work in me. He will help me surrender. And that's, like, the first step to every other step, is just letting God come in and do it. And so that's what he's been doing for me the last couple of months. My word for this year is surrender. [00:54:39] Speaker A: Wow. [00:54:39] Speaker C: And it's been popping up. He's got some things to teach me. [00:54:44] Speaker B: There you go. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:46] Speaker B: So this is, like a current journey that you're on, learning the ins and outs of what it means to really surrender to God. And how have you been finding this journey so far? [00:54:58] Speaker C: It has its ups and downs, as most do. [00:55:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:02] Speaker C: But overall, I can attest that God has been good in my life. God is good is also another one of my sayings at this time and has been through my life. With all of dad's sickness and with him passing away, if he hadn't died, we wouldn't have been able to go to this family. We would have just continued on in that kind of legalistic, doing everything your own way, that church probably would have continued on. I might not have had the experience to come to Australia. I probably wouldn't have found out about it, and who knows where I would be? [00:55:40] Speaker B: You never know these things. [00:55:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:42] Speaker C: And so while I'm really sad that it happened, I can say that I can see how God has worked through that in my life and in the life of my family in their own different way. Yeah. So that's been. [00:55:56] Speaker B: Amen. What an amazing way that God has. Well, been able to fulfill his promise, which is to work all things for good, even if they are bad experiences. He has promised to do that for us. So what a powerful thing when we let him lead. Yes. It's so important, as you're saying before about surrender, that we let God do that in our lives. So important. So just looking back over your whole experience and everything, if you had one thing, just one thing that you could share with our listeners to be like a take home lesson to apply in their lives that you think would bless them, what would you say to that? [00:56:36] Speaker C: Can I have two? [00:56:37] Speaker B: Oh, we might be able to squeeze that in. [00:56:40] Speaker C: Okay, so the first one is that you have to come to God exactly as you are. That was what I was doing in those times, that I was lying on that bench at Cedar Valle and I was just giving it all to God. So come to him just as you are with your whole big mess. Let him take it all. The other one is that you have to die before God can grow. You have to die before God can come in. Because if you're in the way, he can't get in. There's this plant in my dorm room at the moment attempting to grow things. It's one of these plants that never dies. But it's been sitting in there. It hasn't been growing. It hasn't been dying. Anyway, the other day it finally died. I pulled it out and I'm like, oh, well, that's it. And so the next day I looked at it again and that there's this little shoot coming up next to it. And I was like, that is so cool. And so now I'm watching it grow because I thought, how cool is that? That it has to die before it can grow? [00:57:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:43] Speaker B: So that's like an object lesson of your experience that God's teaching you through and has taught you through your life. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I think that's a pleasure lesson. And thank you so much for joining on the program today. You've been listening to by the word of their testimony and how special guest has been Kate Simpson. And, you know, a person's testimony shows that God is real and that God cares about each one of us. And so, dear listener, I encourage you to share your testimony with someone else today. Not only will you be blessed, but the others will, too. So until next time, God bless Jesus. [00:58:27] Speaker A: Lama worthy. [00:58:40] Speaker B: You've been listening to a production of 3BN Australia radio.